The MTV Movie Awards, 2011

DSC04185

OK, OK, I know what you’re thinking.  When I did last year’s post on the MTV Movie Awards I said that it would be my last.  It wasn’t the MOST useless award show I blogged about (that honor goes to the Daytime Emmys), but it definitely felt like a waste of time.  But you know what?  Apparently my time isn’t all that valuable, because here we are again.

As usual, my wife Johanna is mixing us a themed cocktail.  Tonight she’s going with a somewhat hastily thrown together offshoot of the cosmopolitan.  Some vodka, cranberry juice, and since we don’t have any orange liqueur and we live in North Carolina where the state-run liquor stores are closed on Sundays, orange juice.  I KNOW, I KNOW, it’s not really a cosmopolitan, but in the wise words of Adam Sandler’s screenwriter, “Just go with it!” [DRINK UPDATE ALERT!  I was later informed that, in addition to the previously listed ingredients, the drink contains blueberry-pomegranate juice, lime juice, and seltzer.  Fancy!]

DSC04142

She chose this because it’s red, like blood, which is perfect because TWILIGHT!!!1!!!!11!  Speaking of, did you guys see that Vanity Fair article about Robert Pattinson and how he is conflicted about his fame and his crazy fans and he can’t go to a bar without bringing in the police for crowd control and basically seems really depressed, but not in a cool goth vampire way, just in a sad human being way?  Anywayzzz, Johanna named the drink the “Bloody Bella.”

Also as usual, we’ll be competing in a winner-picking competition.  I’m pretty sure these awards are based entirely on online fan voting, which is always fun.  Particularly when the people voting are in a completely different demographic than I am.  I miss being in the 18-24 demo so much!  It was a lot of fun.  To paraphrase Kanye West, no one demo should have so much power.  Particularly when it’s such a stupid demo.  Remember how stupid we were?  Yikes.

Categories and winners will be in bold.  I’d like to ask you all to send your prayers and goodwill out into the world for Johanna, because she really needs the win.  I’m worried she’s going to lose interest; she’s already threatening to boycott the ESPYs.  The ESPYs!  Can you imagine?

All right, let’s go!  Take it away, Jason Sudeikis!  I’ll just be sitting over here mentally preparing myself to hear my wife talk all night about how much of a crush she has on the host.

9:00 – MTV starts off on the wrong foot with me with the reminder that Chelsea Handler hosted the VMAs.  You’re better than this, MTV!  Oh, wait, no you’re not.  I think I’ll zone out for this opening bit.

DSC04143

9:05 – Not as good as last year, MTV Movie Awards!  I like you, Jason, but you’re no Aziz.

DSC04144

Also, no one in this audience cares enough about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s infidelity to warrant one joke, let alone six of them or whatever you just did.

Continue reading

The MTV Movie Awards, 2010

DSC02662

I don’t usually watch the MTV Movie Awards.  It’s not like I think I’m too good for it; I love these MTV train wrecks and was really upset when I realized I had missed the most recent VMAs and had to watch it online.  But the Movie Awards show just isn’t usually on my radar.

This time around, though, Aziz Ansari is hosting, and since I am both a fan and a Twitter follower of his, I’ve been looking forward to this.  As I was setting it up on the DVR it occurred to me that I should compete with Johanna in a winner-picking competition like we’ve done in the past with the Oscars, Grammys, and Golden Globes.  I went looking for a ballot online, but shockingly was unable to find one.  I guess not as many people participate in office pools for the MTV Movie Awards as they do for some of the other awards shows.  I decided to make my own ballot, so I went to the MTV site and looked up the categories.  And that’s when I really got excited about this.

Best WTF Moment.  Biggest Badass Star.  Best Scared-As-S**t Performance (MTV’s asterisks, not mine).  Plus, I’m pretty sure that the winners were all determined by online polls.  So, to correctly pick winners, I have to put myself in the mindset of a fifteen-year-old girl.  I haven’t even heard of some of these movies, let alone seen them.  This is going to be epic.

Just a warning, my usual strategy of taking photos of my actual television for these live events works out even worse when the show is not in HD.  And Time Warner Cable down here does not have MTVHD.

Let’s get started.  As always, categories and winners in bold.

DSC02658

Continue reading

Characters, 2000-2009

DSC02109

This is sort of a vague list.  I’m not really sure what the qualifications were.  And it seems wrong that 19 of my 25 favorite characters of the decade are from television shows.  I obviously need to read more.  But, for whatever reason, these are the ones that really stuck with me.  Here are my 25 favorite characters of the decade:

25) Borat Sagdiyev (Da Ali G Show)

Frat guys turned Borat into this decade’s Austin Powers, and no one is really clamoring for Borat II at this point.  But the character is brilliantly conceived and led Sacha Baron Cohen into comedic territory that he never could have reached as Ali G.

24) Brian Griffin (Family Guy)

Even I am sitting here thinking this is a strange, possibly unworthy, choice for this list.  But I can’t stop laughing when they have Brian actually, you know, behave like a dog.  Like when he is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, or uncontrollably wags his tail.  A rare talking animal character that still, albeit rarely, acts like an animal.

23) Coach Eric Taylor (Friday Night Lights)

This character’s appeal is helped quite a bit by his relationship with his wife, but he’s on the list alone because he does just fine in the football scenes without her.  Friday Night Lights seems to have learned from the mistakes of past shows (I’m thinking specifically of The O.C.): when you have a married couple that serves as a solid foundation upon which to build everything else, do not screw with it.

Continue reading

Movie Adaptations

With the death of J.D. Salinger, speculation about The Catcher in the Rye being adapted as a movie is inevitable.  So that got me thinking about movie adaptations that I would be excited about, but secretly dread because of the probability that they would be bad.

That led to a list of ten possible adaptations that will never live up to the hype I would assign them in my brain.  That, in turn, led to another list, this time of ten movie adaptations that have already been made, and are already disappointing.  But I didn’t want to be completely negative, so I’ll finish with a list of ten movie adaptations that, in my opinion, really knocked it out of the park, and in some cases, surpassed whatever they were based on.  I’m sure I’m forgetting some here; let me know if there is anything too obvious.  Also, for the most part, I tried to include only examples where I’m familiar with both the movie and the source material (exceptions are noted).

Movie adaptations by which I will inevitably, someday, be disappointed:

10) A Confederacy of Dunces

Apparently Harold Ramis tried to turn this into a movie back in 1982, with John Belushi in the lead role, but then Belushi died.  That might have actually been pretty good.  Ignatius Reilly is such a weird, delightful character that I can’t really imagine anyone pulling him off.  The most recent talk has been about Will Ferrell donning a fat suit to play him.  Eh.

DSC02041

9) Then We Came to the End

As far as I know no one is planning to turn this into a movie, but it just seems like the kind of thing that someone might try.  For some reason, I picture John C. McGinley, the guy that plays Dr. Cox on Scrubs, getting cast as Tom Mota.  And I am aghast at that possibility.

8 ) Lost

Again, no concrete plans in place.  But I guarantee there will be a movie at some point. Disney is already talking about the future of Lost as a brand. But what would the movie be?  I’m guessing the television finale will give us a pretty definitive ending to the current set of characters’ story.  And I can’t imagine a prequel would be all that interesting.  So, what happens?  A new plane crashes on the island?

DSC02042

Continue reading