Time Person of the Year, 2010

So, the nominations for Time magazine’s Person of the Year are out.  When did they start releasing nominations prior to the announcement of their choice?  This seems like a bad idea.  I know that, ultimately, the magazine’s editors are still deciding who gets the title, but why even let people pseudo-vote on this?  Why even allow for the possibility of the public influencing editorial decision-making?

Besides, we all know how this is going to go.  Stephen Colbert proved long ago the futility of asking the Internet’s opinion about anything.  If Time had shown me the list of nominees beforehand I could have told them who would end up dominating in the Facebook “Like” race.  Isn’t that right, Little Monsters?

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naive; I realize Time is just doing this to drive page views, and obviously it’s working.  I just clicked through all twenty-something pages of the gallery.  Congratulations, Time!  That doesn’t stop me from being annoyed by the whole thing, though.

Also annoying to me, and likely to Time as well, is how people constantly misunderstand what this even means.  It’s not a commendation; it’s supposed to go to the biggest newsmaker or the person with the most influence, positive or negative, in that calendar year.  No, LeBron, this isn’t some sort of global MVP award, you don’t need to be falsely humbled to be included along with the Chilean Miners.

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Someone should tell him that one of his fellow nominees is Tony Hayward.

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(As an aside, who are the six people that liked Tony Hayward’s nomination on Facebook?  What would possess one to do that?  It has to be hipsters “liking” it ironically, right?  “Liking” Tony Hayward on Facebook is the digital equivalent of wearing an old Bryant Reeves Grizzlies jersey to a Wavves concert.)

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The ESPYs, 2010

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So, I’ve never watched the ESPYs.  I’ve actually never even thought about watching the ESPYs.  I doubt I know anyone who has watched the ESPYs.  They’re a non-event, kind of like the Daytime Emmys, except they seem even more artificial and tacky.  (Note: I spent about five minutes trying to think of a joke about an imaginary Daytime ESPYs and came up empty.  This is how I spend my time.)

That said, Johanna and I must soldier on in our 2010 award show winner-picking competition, so we’re going to slog through it.  Luckily, Seth Meyers is hosting.  Also, there will undoubtedly be ridiculously dressed athletes.  And, as Bill Simmons always points out, women in high heels who are not used to wearing high heels.  So that’s fun.

Let’s get this started.  In the sporting, masculine spirit of the evening, Johanna and I will be sharing a bottle of 2009 D’Autrefois Pinot Noir Rosé.  As always, categories and winners in bold.

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9:00 – Picking winners in these categories was really hard; this has been a crazy exciting and dramatic sports year.  Great Super Bowl, amazing March Madness, Phil Mickelson defeating his wife’s cancer at the Masters, a super-long tennis match, perfect games and no hitters, Celtics vs. Lakers, the World Cup.  The Olympics were sort of meh, but hey, it’s still the Olympics.

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The Super Bowl, 2010

6:18 – Queen Latifah kicks off formal activities with “America the Beautiful.”  When did we decide that we need to sing this in addition to “The Star-Spangled Banner”?  Maybe we just all secretly think it’s a better song.

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Anyway, the pizza Johanna and I ordered has arrived, so our spread is complete.

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6:25 – Our first big commercial of the night, a remake of a classic.  Dwight Howard and LeBron James are infinitely better at acting natural than Larry Bird and Michael Jordan were in the original.

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