The Lion King | Of Modern Proportions

So, guess who stumbled across The Daytime Emmy Awards in the cable menu while setting up the DVR for the week? That’s right, me! The Daytime Emmys, everybody! I could not pass up this opportunity to have another winner-picking competition with Johanna. I mean, what other award show features categories like this:

OUTSTANDING SPECIAL CLASS SPECIAL

WE ARE ONE: THE OBAMA INAUGURAL CELEBRATION AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL
HBO
CLEAN HOUSE: THE MESSIEST HOME IN THE COUNTRY
THE STYLE NETWORK

ON THE EDGE: THE POVERTY CRISIS IN AFRICA
FOX REALITY

That’s right, Clean House up against Obama and poverty in Africa! Also, since when did Fox Reality Channel have shows about things like poverty in Africa? Neither of us has even heard of a lot of these shows, let alone see them, so our choices will be almost completely arbitrary. This is going to be more bonkers than our MTV Movie Award competition.

Believe it or not, not only was there not a printable ballot to be found online, I wasn’t even able to find a list of the categories than were going to actually be in the telecast. So I printed the huge list of unbelievably specific awards off of the Emmy site, and then set about eliminating all but the seemingly most important categories. I brought it down from sixty pages to a concise eight. We’ll find out together whether or not I chose the right categories.

Johanna has made a special cocktail for the occasion out of pear vodka, cranberry juice, and lemon. She’s calling it the “Bitch Slap.” It tastes delicious, but I’m going to give her the first hour of the show to punch up the name. Let’s get started. As always, categories and winners in bold.

9:00 – You know an award show is extra-classy when it comes to you live from beautiful downtown Las Vegas. They’re listing all the performers and presenters here, and outside of our host Regis Philbin, I think the biggest star is Simon Cowell. Chubby Checker???

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I’m a very big Disney fan, and sort of a burgeoning animation geek, so I’m much more familiar with these movies than your average red-blooded 27-year-old American male with no children has any right to be. That said, while I’ve seen some of these very recently, a lot of this is based on half-remembered thoughts and opinions. So this might not exactly be my definitive list. Also, Pixar movies don’t count here; this is just Disney Animation Studios stuff. Here’s the official list. In honor of my upcoming, highly anticipated trip to Walt Disney World, here are my thirty favorite Disney Animated Classics (movies I haven’t seen, or don’t remember, are excluded and listed at the end).

30) The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

I haven’t seen this movie since it came out, and I don’t remember it that well, really. But I was utterly disappointed by it at the time, and it certainly confirmed to us what Pocahontas had hinted at the year before: the modern golden age of Disney classics was over.

29) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

This movie is a big deal. It’s the first full-length animated film ever made. At the time, people thought making a feature-length animated movie was ridiculous. Reading about Walt Disney’s drive to get this made and the technological breakthroughs he and his animators made during the production is even sort of inspiring. That said, this movie is boring as hell nowadays. And the animation style, in my opinion, is not at all visually interesting.

28) Pinocchio (1940)

This movie gave us “When You Wish Upon A Star,” which is a great song. That’s pretty much all it has going for it. It’s divided into three completely unrelated, nonsensical acts, each possibly more dull than the last. Rarely does an hour and a half feel this long.

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