Johanna and I are sitting here in a nearly empty apartment. This is our last night in our current place, and all of our possessions, other than our larger pieces of furniture, are already over at the new digs. Even the dog is gone; we’re boarding him for the night so he won’t be underfoot tomorrow when we’re trying to load up the U-Haul. It’s the first night I’ve spent apart from him.
Moving is never fun, especially for a couple of worriers like Johanna and me. There are always a thousand things to stress about, and the worst always seems to happen for us. This time we’re particularly bothered by the fact that it seems like someone is planning on paving our dirt road tomorrow, which could make it difficult to get the truck in and out.
Anyway, because of all of this, I was particularly looking forward to the Oscars tonight. We’ve ordered a pizza, I’ve poured a scotch, and I’m just going to relax and fantasize about being settled in at the new place.
If you read my Grammy or Golden Globe entries, you know that Johanna and I like to fill out ballots beforehand and compete in a winner-picking contest. Johanna snuck out a victory in the last category of the night in the Golden Globes, and I pulled off an untelevised category win in the Grammys, so we’re currently tied, one to one. Nothing like the Academy Awards to settle things for us. Unfortunately, we both read the same predictions online, so we’re either going to tie, or one of us will win based on our short documentary pick. Let’s get this started. Categories and winners in bold. I’ll add some video later if I can find it.
8:00 – We have a weird opening here as all of the best actor and actress nominees stroll out together. That was odd and masturbatory, but those two words describe a lot about the Oscars.
8:02 – Now here comes Neil Patrick Harris to sing a song for no reason. God, Hollywood loves this guy. So do I, though, so it’s cool. But shouldn’t we be opening with the hosts?
8:04 – I’m a huge fan of both Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, and I’m sure they’ll be funny. I’m going to go out on a limb here, though, and say that at the end of the night I’m probably going to feel like it would have been better if the Academy had just picked one of them and ran with it.
Of Modern Proportions 